Misremembering Alaska
by perksoffangirlingalot
Summary: Hii guys! this is my (first?) story. THERE WILL BE MANY SPOILERS FOR LOOKING FOR ALASKA IN THIS.. This is what happened between Takumi and Alaska before she died Sadly i don't own lfa or anything from it rights go to john green being a great author


Looking for Alaska Shot Heard Round the World

Novel by: John Green Fan Fiction by: Amruta Viswanath

"God how many times can I mess up?" I thought to myself as I was looking for flowers.

"I need the white flowers. WHERE ARE THE FLOWERS WHEN I NEED THEM?" I screamed as I kicked the dirt. I can't ever seem to find anything I need ever. It' almost like I deserve anything and everything that happens to me. What kind of kid forgets her mother's death?! Honestly, the big guy up there should just call it quits and send me off with my mother. But that would be too easy. No, he has to make sure he takes his own sweet time and let me wallow in my guilt.

It was about 2:30 in the morning and I had just remembered it was January 10. What does that date signify? Nothing, to you. But to me, Alaska Young, it meant the world was ending. Eight years ago, to the date, my mother had died of an aneurysm. My mother taught me everything I know, including asking for help. But I forgot this, at the exact moment it was needed. I forgot to call 911. What good is stranger danger and all those lessons on asking for help if a kid can't even remember to call EMS when her mother dies.

Eight years ago, my mother died. Today, I can't even see straight let alone find some flowers.

The world continued to spin around me, whirling in every direction. I couldn't see straight, couldn't even see the white flowers next to me, picked and ready to be placed. Some of it could be attributed to the lack of light. It was a new moon, and the only light was by the nearby streetlight which cast an eerie soft yellow light on everything around me.

"It's January 10th and eight years ago, my mother died. If she was here, she would yell at me 'cause I forgot my jacket." I said out loud, so that I could keep my cool. Seriously, I must be the worst daughter ever.

"I'm sorry mom I really am. I'm so sorry. Oh god I'm sorry." I sobbed 'I was too caught up in my own world drinking wine and kissing Pudge that I forgot about _you_ mom."

I continued to cry, heaving and overall looking very unladylike. My mother would not approve. She would want me happy, remembering her but still living life. That only made me cry harder.

"Alaska? What are you doing here?" said a deep voice behind me. "It's 3 am. Go sleep."

He doesn't understand. Nobody understood. I turned and saw a shadowy silhouette wearing a fox hat. As it moved closer and closer, I could make out Takumi's face. Would anyone understand my pain?

"Ta-Takumi...It's January 10. Don't you know? My mother died 8 years ago today and I forgot about it. I must be the worst kid in the world. How could I forget about it Takumi? How? How many times can I mess up Takumi? Why don't I just die…maybe then I won't mess up." And with that, I started to wail with my pitch increasing by the minute.

I felt Takumi kneel beside me. He pet my back slowly, uncertainly.

"First of all Alaska, you didn't do anything wrong. You just had a momentary lapse of time. Life will go on."

"Yeah but what does he know?" I thought bitterly to myself. "Both of his parents are alive. I'll bet my car that he's never gotten in trouble in his entire life.

"I'm going to tell you something okay?" Takumi steamrolled on, not stopping to read the situation. " Remember when I failed my chem final? I thought that would be the end of that. I was so afraid to tell my parents and made an elaborate plan to sneak it past them. I got so caught up in the _how_ and _why me_ that I forgot the most important thing. They are my parents. It says so, right there in their job description, that they have to love me no matter what. It's true, I checked." Takumi chucked.

"The point is, they helped me. Sure they were unhappy with my grade. But they helped me fix it and study for the next tests. Your mother loves you and she wants your happiness first."

At this, couldn't take it anymore and kept looking for those white flowers through the haze of tears. I heard Takumi running after me.

"Alaska, I'll take you to the Colonel's room for the night. I don't want you to be alone." Takumi said, in between pants.

I chose to ignore him and ran blindly. I screamed, without a care in the world, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STORY AND I DON'T CARE WETHER I SHOULD BE ALONE OR NOT. JUST LET ME GET OUT OF HERE." And with that, Takumi finally left me alone to wallow in my own grief.

I started the car and an errant firecracker ignites. The last thing I remember seeing was Takumi's body, running after the car with a desperate look in his eyes. The look that said that next January 10th, he'll be the one looking for white flowers by the grove. It was done. Over. God had finally won.


End file.
